my crazy life

The last wk was simply overwhelming, and the weeks that will follow will not be any easier!

From last week onwards, I'll be the only Platoon Commander (PC) in my company because all the other PCs will be on course. My Company Sergeant Major (CSM) will be overseas for 3 weeks, and my Officer Commanding (OC) will be posted out very soon. So it's just my 2IC and me leading the company. Therefore, besides having to conduct almost every single activity, plan for the day, and manage my sergeants, I'll also have to take charge of my company, plan it's vision and mission, and lead it! The heavy responsibility was coming, but I never saw it, nor prepared for it, so right now, I'm swept away by the enormous responsibility and workload!

To make matters worse, my spiritual life is on the rocks, and my QT is not stable at all. Therefore, it's a double whammy for me, and I'm about to explode!

Thank goodness, there's the grace of God in every situation.

I had a talk with my very capable OC who encouraged me to take this time of heavy responsibility as an opportunity, rather than a burden. That this time will be a chance for me to make my impact on the company as it lays it's new foundations in its new unit, with its new troopers and sergeant cadets. That this time will be a chance to hone my decision-making skills, as well as my ability to lead and manage. Thanks Captain James.

I also have a picture of my nephew in my Bible, and during the times when I feel that my head would explode, either his picture, or a passage in the Bible would calm me down and bring a smile to my face. It's really amazing what impact a sleeping baby and a passage from the Bible can bring to a troubled soul!

Last thing I realized is that over the past year or so, I've become more cold, and unfeeling. Certain experiences like the loss of friends, the stress of army, and the troubles of life have really hardened my character and personality. I remember how I used to be more cheerful, and more ready to help, to be a gentleman whatever the circumstance, and to see more hope in difficult circumstances. Now, it seems that I'm just concerned about me, and how I'm going to survive the 2 years in army. I question the value of being a gentleman and helping others. Somehow, I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm jaded and I don't see the value in doing it anymore.

That's when the grace of God comes in, and He reminds me that He has called me for greater things, and that I should shine for Him regardless. Sure it still sucks that I don't understand, that I can't trace His plan, that I don't see His hand, but I'll do my best to trust His heart.

The next 3 months in will most probably be my toughest months in the last two years, but I'll hold on to God and trust Him.

God is good,

God can do anything,

God will bring everything to pass.